Every generation has its reputation forever embossed in the annals of history by automotive ingenuity, amongst other things.
The early 1900’s had the Ransom Olds; America’s first production automobile.
1910-1930 had the Ford Model T. At one time it accounted for over 50% of all vehicles on American roads.
The 30’s brought us the Studebakers and the Willys’. American classics still to this day.
In the 1940’s, the vehicle of choice became the Willys Jeep, the “distinctly personal” sport vehicle.
The 50’s era enjoyed fun in the sun in their Volkswagen Beetles.
Since 1960, Americans have identified themselves with “American Muscle”. The Corvette, the Mustang, and the Viper have become synonymous with American culture.
With the dawning of a new millennium, however, America’s youth has taken a turn for the worse. Steering away from the big three and making their mark on society in, of all things, Japanese vehicles. I’m not so sure this is what the Greatest Generation had in mind when they were dropping bombs on Hiroshima and storming the beaches of Normandy.
We call them “Ricers”. A generation so confused about their identity that they feel a need to announce their self worth to the world with thunderous bass, high-visibility neon markings, and hordes of aftermarket sponsor stickers.
RockStar Productions has decided to take a closer look at this new breed of Americans.
“Ricer” is loosely defined as an individual who, through fancy body kits and multitudes of racing decals, represents his vehicle as race-worthy, when in fact the car has had little to no engine work done to improve performance.
A fart can and a VTEC sticker do not a ¼ mile beast make.
If image is everything, then ricers are the ultimate in image hypocrisy. You can smother a piece of dog shit with chocolate and make it look delicious, but on the inside it remains a piece of dog shit.
My first stop: McDonalds. The ricer is not one of the world’s biggest spenders, and can usually be found loitering around parking lots such as these or your local Wal-Mart during the twilight hours (daylight is no good as it kills the effect of the ultra-cool neon glow).
Pulling into the parking lot I am suddenly overwhelmed by the glass-shattering bass reverberating through my truck. I’ve hit pay dirt. Turning the corner just past the drive-thru order box I see this:
[image]http://www.riceboypage.com/shame/hall_of_shame_11/crx_side.jpg[/image]
The ricer immediately notices me taking a picture of his car and struts over to me, smiling from ear to ear.
RS: “
Is this your automobile?”
Ricer: “
Yeah dude, that’s my ride. Aint it fly?”
RS: “
Huh?”
Ricer: “
The car, dude. Aint it dope?”
RS: “
What?”
Ricer: “
The fuckin car man, do you like it?”
RS: “
Oooohh, do I like it? It’s, ummmm, interesting.”
Ricer: “
Fuckin ‘A’ dude. This thing kicks ass.”
RS: “
What’s it got under the hood?”
Ricer: “
An engine dude. What the fuck is wrong wit you?”
RS: “
Oh, I’m sorry, I meant what have you done to the engine. You know, mods?”
Ricer: “
Oh, shit man. I got purple spark plug wires, chrome valve covers, neon underhood lighting, all kinds of mad shit under there.”
RS: “
Uh, ok. What about Turbos? Exhaust mods? Anything?”
Ricer: “
What are you kidding me dude? You didn’t notice the APEXi performance muffler with the LED tip?”
RS: “
Yeah, I noticed it. What else have you done?”
Ricer: “
Come here…check this out….remote door openers and a kickass stereo system!”
RS: “
Niiice 
Have a nice night.”
Pulling back out of the parking lot I am struck with the realization that perhaps nature’s intention is not for us to understand the ricer. How could we? They don’t speak English as a first language. They contribute nothing positive to society, aside from the occasional humorous website that pops up on the internet mocking this bad acid trip lifestyle.
The early 1900’s brought us Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and the first silent movie.
The 1910’s brought us World War I, the Titanic, and Prohibition.
The 1920’s brought us Women’s Suffrage, J. Edgar Hoover, and Mein Kampf.
The 1930’s brought us Ghandi, Monopoly, and the Hindenburgh.
The 1940’s brought us World War II, Apartheid, and the Manhattan project.
The 1950’s brought us Color TV, the Hydrogen Bomb, and Disneyland.
The 1960’s brought us JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., and Charles Manson.
The 1970’s brought us Vietnam, Watergate, and Star Wars.
The 1980’s brought us AIDS, Personal Computers, and Pac-Man.
The 1990’s brought us The Internet, O.J. Simpson, and Y2K.
Now as we enter into a new millennium looking to etch our little piece of cultural history into the annals of time, and after a hundred years of innovation and societal marvels, I bring you:
The Ricer
Linear Mode
