I have been away for a couple of weeks, but I wanted to let you all know that my wife of 25 years (lived 28) died of cancer on 5/5 at 46 years old. She was at home in her bed in my arms when she went. She fought it for over a year. She will be missed very badly and I have a hole "this big" in my heart.
It's been a week now and I'm just starting to be productive again. Thanks for all your prayers and support.
jeff
My deepest sympathy. [img]/images/graemlins/bawling[/img]
Your wife seemed like an incredible woman, Jeff. I can't express how sorry I am that she is no longer with you. Your stories are truly an inspiration to us all.
Jeff,
The way that you talk about her shows how truly deep and meaningful your relationship with your wife was. What you both had was something very unique. I believe it wrenches at all us because we can all relate to finding that true life-long friend that when you say "till death do we part" you mean it with all your heart. Although its hard, be glad to know that both of you were blessed to find something so special. Again, God Bless.
Thanks smoke,
[hijack] See everybody smoke's ok, he said something nice to someone. [img]/images/graemlins/laughing.gif[/img][/hijack]
It's true about the life long thing. I wasn't a cheater either.
It's funny, never in my life have I lived by myself. It went from my folks, to her apartment, then our apartment and onwards. I had plenty of girlfriends before her but she sure stuck. We met as seniors in high school.
I was always the creative wild one and she was my rock. She helped me get through collage and then supported us while I developed my career and then kept a high pressure corporate job while I worked to build our security business. This all went on for over our first 9 years.
Then it was payback time. She was able to quit that job and work with me in the business. Then she was able to get back into the horse world that she had left behind to be with me. She became a world class equestrian. (many of her competitors came the the party out of respect). She won #1 in the world a few years back. About 5 years ago she did the national show circuit and traveled with her horse and trailer all by herself from coast to coast and won overall highpoint. She didn't even go to the big winners swaree in Calif. after winning. She didn't care about acting like "I'm so great" at an awards event. It was the challange that she cared about. For her 9 year investment in me, she lived the horse-life for her last 16 years. We even built together a wonderful horse boarding facility which is the farm I talk about and now where I live without her.
jeff
Jeff - I missed this post when i posted before and I need to say something here because your story has inspired not just us - but it is going to inspire others - that is a legacy.
1 - your wife lived the deepest dreams of 2 of my daughters. I want them to hear her story when they stay here this weekend
2 - I want my wife to read this post of your above - it is going to be a huge encouragement to her.
Like your wife was, mine is my soulmate, and with her enouragement, I am about to embark upon a dream that will cost us everything we have and quite a bit we don't yet have.
Your story about a 9 year investment to net 16 years living her dreams will help my wife to understand that if the reward is big enough - the price is worth it.
Thank you for sharing my friend - I'd like to meet you someday, and I know my girls would sure love to visit your farm.
i am so very, very sorry for your loss. Your message hit particularly close to home after letting me share a glimpse of the wonderful relationship you had with your wife. I sincerely can say that i brought tears to my eyes.
If there is anything, absolutely anything, no matter how minute that i can do to help you in these dark times please let me know.
I am hesitant to write to you, because I am pretty much known as the resident asshole/troll on this board, and I feel what I may have to say not be worthy of being in present company of those who really know you and care about you.
However, I am going to regardless, and I hope you take it as sincere because I mean it in every way.
I lost my mother to cancer. We were extremely close, and she was sick for 4 years. I took care of her for 2 years when she was unable to take care of herself, and for 5 months, she was bedridden, totally dependent, and in a sense, she became my "child". She was helpless to survive on her own, and she depended on my completely. This of course made us closer than I ever could have imagined.
When she passed, I was devastated. I had this hole in my very being that seemed like it could never be filled. I experienced guilt to the point of being unable to breath, and I yearned for hearing her voice again and crying because I thought I never would.
But I was wrong. I did hear her again, and I did see her again, as will you. She might have left this earth, but she did not leave your memory.
You will one day begin to have dreams of her. You won't realize that you are dreaming, and in your dream, she will laugh how she used to laugh, she will talk to you the way that she always talked to you, she will smell the way she always smelled around you. She will be there once again with you and you will swear she were really with you.
In the beginning, I would wake up feeling guilt for not realizing they were just dreams, and taking advantage of those rare moments, because in your dreams, you don't know she is gone.
Eventually, those feelings of guilt subside, you enjoy everyone of those moments, and you know that she would want you to enjoy life and celebrate her memory with those special times when she were truly alive. For me, being able to honor her life with the memories of her that she would want me to have, allowed me to live life as it should be lived... without forgetting her, and without disappointing her because her memory didn't only bring sorrow... it brought happiness. This of course took time.
My deepest condolences Jeff. I am very sorry for your loss.
i was hesitant to write this but i lost my extended family to cancer in the 80's and early 90's. My mother passed away first and it was very much like Mike_W described except i was the oldest child and my youngest sister was 2 years old. My father was crushed when my mother passed away and me and my siblings had to take care of ourselves after she passed away because my father had to take extra work and travel in order to allow us to stay in our home. I was 12 years at that time. My father sat in the hospital at my mother side every day for the 1 year she was in bed at the hospital.
Every 2 years from that day i lost a relative to cancer. It made me insensitive at first but now that i have 10-15 years of distance to it i realize how close we where as a family when i grew up. I have no relatives alive besides my wife and my siblings and i guard those relationships well.
The one thing i wish i would have done well was to save memories and memoribilia of my family. I have some things saved but i really wished that i would have arranged and preserved the pictures and audio cassettes as well as her jewelry as memories of her. It is something i know now that i would have treasured.
I wrote this as an encouragement for you to save the memorabilia and things that you treasured in your wife and made your lifes valuable. I hope that as years pass by you keep her memory and spirit alive with these memories. It is the one thing i did not have the maturity to do as a young child and that i realized as an adult how much i wished i did at the time.
Jeff,
I am so sorry for your loss. I was not aware that your wife was ill. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
The woman you speak of with such loving emotion sounds like an incredible person. A person who touched the lives of so many around her. A woman with a tremendous spirit and love of life. A woman who lived and enjoyed every minute.
Treasure the special love you shared, and all the beautiful memories.
Just take one day at a a time.
Laura
I want to thank all of you for the well wishes. I had a good day yesterday reading, refreshing and writing on this thread. Putting my feelings down in writing has been therapeutic for me and I believe for others here as well.
Yous guys are a class group and you mean a lot to me. Friends are what's important.
46 is way to young.....at any age it's a shitty thing. My dad, uncles, and so on.
We all kid around about what a pain in the ass our wives/spouses are, but if I was in your boat, and this happened to my wife, I don't know how long it would take me to get back to normal. Especially if kids are involved. Wow, big changes would happen.
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