I have never quite figured out why the sexual urges of
men and women differ so much. I have never figured out
the whole Mars & Venus thing. I have never figured out
why men think with their head and women with their
heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the
sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of
turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want
you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and
every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that
I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a
Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I
finally realize that nothing is going to happen that
night, so I went to bed.
The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed
department store. I walked around while she tried on
three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take, so I told her to take all three of
them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes
worth $200.00 each to which I say OK.
And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a
set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so
excited. She must have thought that I was one wave
short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I
think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis
bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I
think I threw her for a loop when I told her
that it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and
you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm
ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No,
honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."
You should have seen her face... it went completely
blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to
HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had
this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You
must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."
I figure that I should be having sex again sometime
during the spring thaw in 2035.
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