A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much ?"
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money! "
The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes. "
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well, " says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them
because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try. "
They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1, 500."
"$1, 500? No blow-job could be worth that".
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy.
Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright.
And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1, 500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, "Sign me up. "
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole
city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights,gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."
That was great, thanks. Here's another Vegas joke:
Guy wakes up one day, hears a voice inside his head saying "Sell your house, take the money, and go to Vegas."
He ignores it, goes off to work as usual. However, the guy can't stop hearing this voice, all day every day for the next three weeks this voice is just going on and on in his head.
So, what he finally ends up doing, is selling the house for cash and taking it to Vegas. Right when he steps off the plane the voice says: "Now, I want you to go to the MGM Grand Hotel". The guy hops a cab, heads over there and walks in.
The voice commands him to go on the casino floor. He's so excited right now, pockets full of money and he's got one leg up on every body. As he walks along the casino floor, the voice says "See that roulette table? The 4th one on the right, go there."
The man goes over to the table, and the voice says "Put all of your money on Red 32". He does, the wheel spins. And spins. And spins. It eventually lands on Black 18.
