O.K. , we've all done at least one stupid thing that we hate to admit to, I mean really stupid, dumb , "I can't believe I did that" things....I'll get the ball rolling with a couple.
1. When I was a kid one of my chores was to cut kindling with a small axe for lighting the fire. One day, while my mother was at work I decided to play with the lawn mower, it was one of those electric "hover" mowers. I wanted to see how fast the blade spun so I proped it upside down on some boxes and plugged it in. Next, holding it steady, I worked my foot to the handle and pressed the switch, not realizing that there was hardly any clearance between the skirt and the blade...whoosh...cut half my thumb off!!. Realizing just how much trouble I was going to be in I acted fast. I shoved the top of my thumb back on, grabbed a rag and wrapped it up. Next I put the mower back in the garage and cleaned up all the blood. Once that was all done and clean I headed to the wood shed and took the rag off my thumb and poured blood all over the floor, wood logs and axe and left a trail of blood into the house to the bathroom where I put toilet paper and scotch tape on my thumb and then fainted. When my mother came home she found my sitting on the floor white as a sheet holding my hand which was now killing me. She took one look at my thumb and started screaming "what happened?" to which I replied that I was cutting some wood for the fire and got my thumb in the way. I got rushed to hospital where they stitched it up...never had to cut kindling again!!.
2.A few years later (about 13y.o.), I'm again in charge of cutting wood, but now I have a chainsaw, a bright orange Husqvarna. One day I decide that the saw needs a tune-up. While I'm doing this I think it would be cool to put a timing light on it, which I do. Worked awesome, when the engine was revving at about 10,000 rpm and you put the light on the chain it looked like it was moving backwards very, very slowly, so mesmerizing....let me touch it....whoosh...multiple lacerations on the palm and side of my hand. Hide strobe light, walk into kitchen clutching hand, "mom, look what I did cutting logs with the chainsaw", hospital, sitches....no more chainsaw !!
There are a lot more that I'll admit to once I know I'm not the only one who has skeletons in his "stupid" closet...
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What a relief...my I.Q. test results came back negative...
'96 RT/10..tooooo expensive to run!.
'05 ZX-10R..it will run 9's at the next track day!.
'98 Rotty.. tooooo lazy to run!.
'08 Cane Corso.. keeps trying to run away!.
This signature proofed and approved by Sgt Snatch..
O.K. , we've all done at least one stupid thing that we hate to admit to, I mean really stupid, dumb , "I can't believe I did that" things....I'll get the ball rolling with a couple.
1. When I was a kid one of my chores was to cut kindling with a small axe for lighting the fire. One day, while my mother was at work I decided to play with the lawn mower, it was one of those electric "hover" mowers. I wanted to see how fast the blade spun so I proped it upside down on some boxes and plugged it in. Next, holding it steady, I worked my foot to the handle and pressed the switch, not realizing that there was hardly any clearance between the skirt and the blade...whoosh...cut half my thumb off!!. Realizing just how much trouble I was going to be in I acted fast. I shoved the top of my thumb back on, grabbed a rag and wrapped it up. Next I put the mower back in the garage and cleaned up all the blood. Once that was all done and clean I headed to the wood shed and took the rag off my thumb and poured blood all over the floor, wood logs and axe and left a trail of blood into the house to the bathroom where I put toilet paper and scotch tape on my thumb and then fainted. When my mother came home she found my sitting on the floor white as a sheet holding my hand which was now killing me. She took one look at my thumb and started screaming "what happened?" to which I replied that I was cutting some wood for the fire and got my thumb in the way. I got rushed to hospital where they stitched it up...never had to cut kindling again!!.
2.A few years later (about 13y.o.), I'm again in charge of cutting wood, but now I have a chainsaw, a bright orange Husqvarna. One day I decide that the saw needs a tune-up. While I'm doing this I think it would be cool to put a timing light on it, which I do. Worked awesome, when the engine was revving at about 10,000 rpm and you put the light on the chain it looked like it was moving backwards very, very slowly, so mesmerizing....let me touch it....whoosh...multiple lacerations on the palm and side of my hand. Hide strobe light, walk into kitchen clutching hand, "mom, look what I did cutting logs with the chainsaw", hospital, sitches....no more chainsaw !!
There are a lot more that I'll admit to once I know I'm not the only one who has skeletons in his "stupid" closet...
I was 16, my brother 12, we go hunting squirrels in the woods on our farm with my 12 gauge. It's spring so all the tree rats are living in nests, if you've never seen a squirrel nest, it's a really large pile of sticks in a tree. Having taken shots at birds and rabbits 'n stuff on the way the squirrels had anticipated our iminent arrival and taken to their nests, which are pretty much bullet and bomb proof!. I send my brother up a tree to poke the nest with a stick to get the squirrels to come out, they are very territorial and will defend the nest against anything. So, he pokes the nest and a squirrel jumps out of the nest, runs along the stick and attacks him!!, he jumps about 20' out of the tree and twists his ankle, the squirrels piss (really) on him and then make a retreat back into their bomb shelter. Determined to bag a squirrel I tell my brother to get back in the tree at which point he tells me to go F**k myself 'cause he ain't going near those crazy mofo's. Brainwave... "you stay here with the gun, I'll go up the tree" I tell him, he agrees. I take the stick and climb up the tree and start poking the nest, squirrels start jumping out to protect it from the next wave of attacks.. BOOOOOOMM!!... a shockwave hits me, I see stars, my ear pops, wood chips explode everywhere and I fly out of the tree and land barely concious in a pile of leaves... morale of the story... never leave a gun in the hands of a grudge bearing, jumpy brother while you're poking the nest, he'll try to shoot the first one that comes out, even if it is on your head!!!.
ok...I really feel like I'm getting somewhere so here's another...
The stove story...
I was 13 and we had just moved into a "new" house... 80 year old farm house, empty for the previous 2 months. My parents have to go back to the old house to get more stuff and ask me to stay and light the stove. It's fall and getting chilly and the stove heats the whole house. The stove is a huge cast iron monster with a front door. I load it up with newspaper , kindling and small coal and put a match underneath. Things burn for a few minutes filling the house with smoke and then just smoulder and die out.... repeat..burn,smoulder, smoke ,die out. At this point I only have a little newspaper and kindling left so I load it up, go to the garage ,syphon about 2 quarts of fuel from my dirtbike and pour it on the wood and paper. I close the door and let it sit for a minute or so, open the bottom door, strike match and throw it in.... BOOOOOOMM... the main door explodes open, nails me in the chest at about the same time a fireball hits me and throws me across the room. I wake up and stagger out to the bathroom. My face is black, my eyebrows and eyelashes are gone, half my hair is gone and the wool sweater I'm wearing is about 5 sizes smaller. I go outside only to find a huge pile of bricks on the floor and no chimney stack on the roof !!. The crows had made a nest in the chimney over the summer and it had completely blocked the chimney at the top. My cocktail had cleaned it out at considerable expense to both myself and my parents bank account!!.
around 11 I remember trying to help a fly blown hedgehog full of maggots by spraying it with flyspray.... the maggots did not like it much, but the hedgehog liked it a lot less
Around 5-6 me and a cousin found ourselves a beehive in a tree, so thought we'd get us some honey. Out with the fly spray and in we went - it was a bit of a battle but at last the bees were dead or gone.... and the honey tasted like crap after 3 cans of spray
roll forward nearly 40 years - I took 2 people at their word and after doing everything I could and should have (except sign us all up in a contract.... lol) basically lost my shirt. Had to start again from scratch... put my Viper dream back a few years that did, but it is all good now.
At eight I found myself alone with a wheelbarrow and a ballpeen hammer. I turned the wheelbarrow upside down and struck the inflatable tire with the hammer. It bounced straight back up with great force and hit me right in the forehead and knocked me down on my butt.
Then later I invested in Lucent and it was just like hitting the wheelbarrow tire all over again.
In an attempt to speed up a hard boiled egg snack I wanted when I was 14 or so, I grabbed a cup of water and dropped a fresh egg into the glass. Microwaved that sucker on high for about 4 minutes until the water was boiling for a good long time. Out comes the glass and drain the water in the glass. Now the dumb part as if the microwave part wasn't dumb enough. . I took cold water and attempted to cool the egg immediately after coming out of the boiling water. The moment the cool water hit the egg it exploded all over the kitchen. I remember scrubbing hot egg off the ceiling for an hour. That shit burns pretty good as well.
