Hey man, just keep your chin up. Its a major thing in everyones lives around you right now, especially your kids. Not that you wont, but dont fail to realize that now that you have washed your hands of your wife, you now have to work twice as hard as a father. Hopefully she will do the same. Dont listen to anyone who tells you to run out and get some pussy, either. A nice piece of ass is too easy of a fix/excuse and wont fix anything, trust me. Dont lose your morals and standards or anything good when trying to fix the bad things, thats what the divorce itself should be covering. Hold on to what you have, and that doesnt mean physical belongings... Spray said it best earlier; take the Viper out for a drive whenever given the chance, and enjoy what it brings you.That shit will keep your head on straight.
Last edited by MiSdIrEcTeD_1 : March 5th, 2008 at 12:00 AM.
Im sorry to hear about what's going on bro!!! It is really hard to go through. Alot of the members here know what I went through with my EX. When she called it off, I didn't post here anymore and tried to pull my life together. I didn't know what to do with my life anymore because I had lost the girl I loved. Days were not the same. Now a year later, I still can't get over her and think about her every second of the day. I have no shortage of girls whatsoever, Joel can vouche for that but it is not the same and all and I catch myself saying "She will Come back"
So it is hard especially when you love the person. How are the kids taking it? Is there any hope that you will get back together with her? If so, before the papers are filed, do little things for her to get the "love bug" back with her... rose peddles in the hot tub, full massages, candle light dinners, roses to work..... the list goes on. People really don't understand what that really does to a relationship and how much it helps to keep the romance there. For those that still have the ones they love, cherish every moment that you have with them!!!
If nothing works, then I am sorry, it will be hard.
Just don't be like me, get out there and enjoy life. If you meet someone else don't compare her to your ex wife because it will not get you anywhere, something that I am working on and not doing a good job at. My ex is the one I want to be with, cant change that.
Hell come to Dallas and I'll introduce you to as many as you'd like. I know TONS of women!
P.S. If all fails, we still have the mini "Soup Kitchen" to look forward too with recent post
Hey man, just keep your chin up. Its a major thing in everyones lives around you right now, especially your kids. Not that you wont, but dont fail to realize that now that you have washed your hands of your wife, you now have to work twice as hard as a father. Hopefully she will do the same. Dont listen to anyone who tells you to run out and get some pussy, either. A nice piece of ass is too easy of a fix/excuse and wont fix anything, trust me. Dont lose your morals and standards or anything good when trying to fix the bad things, thats what the divorce itself should be covering. Hold on to what you have, and that doesnt mean physical belongings... Spray said it best earlier; take the Viper out for a drive whenever given the chance, and enjoy what it brings you.That shit will keep your head on straight.
Fantastic post Mis!!! I can't tell you how many days that I took my car out, put the top down and just drove for miles and miles. Nothing like a nice drive on the open road to clear your head.
Do not feel alone or victimized. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Half that don't, should. Half of those that don't and shouldn't, end in early death of the male. You are statistically positioned within the vast majority of participants of human interactional commitment experience. Be a good father to your child and go find another woman, it's the way of things, most of the time.
Do not feel alone or victimized. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Half that don't, should. Half of those that don't and shouldn't, end in early death of the male.
Very sad to hear. Being married to someone who needs help can be one of the biggest emotional roller coasters you can ever find yourself on. One thing to consider is sometimes, when they are sick (my term), instead of trying to embrace the ones they love and need most, they try push them away and will say very hurtful things like "Like I fell out of love with you". They don't feel deserving, they life is crumbling around them and it almost becomes a self fulfilling prophesy they are acting out. Trust me, I have been there. It was not easy and my wife did everything to push me away, but being I am slow (actually being very committed to my marriage) I was eventually able to get my wife to the help she needed. It all came to a head after about 5 years of marriage......needless to say, we celebrated our 15 anniversary last September. She couldn't have done it without my relentless persistence, but I also knew there was much I would never accomplish in many facets of my life without her too.
Not saying my situation is the same as yours Rocko, but just some additional perspective to consider.
Damn, please don't make me regret sharing personal shit on here VA crew.
I went through the same mess last year. Mine went nuts in the pregnancy stage, and it really just got so far out of control, she couldn't put it back together. Admitting to one lie meant she had to admit to a thousand others. She wasn't willing to take a single step in the right direction, and then was stone cold and beyond crazy during the divorce. After a ten year relationship with little to no fighting, it is strange to say the least when stuff like this happens.
One thing you will realize going through this is how many have gone through the exact same thing. Girls are just different creatures. Ones that fall off the track can only put themselves back on. It doesn't matter how much you beat yourself up or try, ultimately it is their call to get it back together.
Now, for your warning. You naturally love the person who is putting the knife through your heart. I am a soft guy, and tried to give her everything I possibly could....such as living 6 hours away with her family. STUPID FUCKING MOVE. I thought she needed that to get better....WRONG. It is a PITA to spend time with my little one, and that will only get worse.
Also, make the best of it for your little one. At a year and a half, my little guy knows what is going on. He cries at the airport, says DADA every single time someone's phone rings, etc... It kills me, and what will kill you even more is realizing the person you vowed to marry has no feeling or clue as to what is all around her. Divorce IMO is too easy of an exercise. The hard part comes in being decent after the fact. Also, WATCH your finances. That is an understatement in my case.
It isn't fun Rocko. I used to describe myself as the old guy in Shawshank Redemption who didn't want out of jail, and didn't know how to function on the outside. Well, two years later, and I am still learning how to behave and carry on normal life. Allow yourself to move on. That is what has held me back for the past two years, and I am just starting to feel back to normal.
Whitebeard hit it on the head, If she is losing it and your relationship is over. Go to court and get full custody of the child should'nt be a problem if you have your stuff together and she is unfit to raise your child. I got full custody of my son 7 year's ago by taking care of business in court and at home. Good luck
I'll testify on behalf of divorce being a wonderful thing, and that it is possible to remain friends with your ex. I won't go into the details, but life is too short to go through it unhappy, or to dwell on the past, or waste away wishing it were different. Give her whatever she wants so long as she's fair with the kids, never compromise at their expense. You can and will obtain more things and money; money and things don't equal happiness.
Saleen, I don't know you and you seem like a good guy but I can't disagree with your post more. A year later and you think about her every second of the day? Good god man, get a grip, and go see a shrink. Seems like you suffocated her, reading what you wrote, and that's why she wants nothing to do with you. From my experience people are interested in each other when they have a life and interests outside each other that they can share and compare. I've been smothered and tried to smother, and it just doesn't equal love and the respect you have for someone when they don't forsake themselves for you. I'll bet those girls who are falling all over you are mostly that way because they sense they can't have you. If you started dating one and shortly thereafter did the rose petal in the tub deal they would think 'oh that's nice' then 'WTF is wrong with this guy?'
Rocko (and Saleen) get some professional advice and get on with your life. Give the Ex whatever she wants materially and be respectful as
but it is not the same and all and I catch myself saying "She will Come back"
