Whew! Sorry I just wrote a way too lengthy manifesto in the politics thread. Here it is; I'll try to make the punch line more acceptable and I'm sorry if you've heard it before.
George Burns was on Oprah back before he passed away, and she asked him 'having lived 94 years, what was his secret to such a long life?'
He responded that he liked good cigars, good whiskey and especially having sex 3 times a day. Oprah was shocked as was everyone else in the audience, so she quickly moved on. However during the break she brought it up again and asked George, were you serious about having sex 3 times a day? And he said yes absolutely why? To this Oprah said well I just have a hard time believing someone your age can have sex that frequently, and George said 'Well believe it, and it's the best you can imagine.'
To this Oprah was chagrined and said she'd like to find out for herself, so they agreed to meet at George's hotel room after the show. When she showed up George commenced to put the most glorious fucking on to that fat bitch that she'd ever experienced, the orgasms were long and frequent. When they were done she lay there almost in tears, and George lit one of his trademark cigars and drank a glass of Pappy's.
After she regained her composure she said 'George, that was indeed incredible! I'm a believer in your virility but do you honestly want me to believe that you can do that 2 more times?' George replied 'sure but before we do I need two things form you.' He said ' You must let me take about a 20 minute nap and while I'm asleep I need you to gently hold my dick in your hands until I wake up.' Oprah thought this was a strange request but she agreed, and George drifted off to sleep right away.
Sure enough in 20 minutes George woke up, turned over and turned Oprah over and just rode her like a fresh filly in the All American futurity! This time was even better than the first for Oprah, and she started having visions of leaving Stedman for this aged stud. George lit that stogie again and had another pull on the Pappy's, and Oprah exclaimed 'George! That was unbelievable! How can you do that?' And George replied 'I told you it's the whiskey, cigars and the old saying if you don't use it you lose it, and I use it!' Oprah said 'Now surely after those two sessions George, you can't do it again?' George said 'I sure can and it'll be the best of all!'
Oprah couldn't wait and she jumped on top of him. Whoa! Says George (to continue with the previous analogy). Just like before I need that 20 minute nap while you cradle my dick in your hands. Oprah says 'OK but that sure seems strange...'
So 20 minutes later George awakens and here he goes! He puts Oprah through every chapter of the Kama Sutra and several positions those horny indians couldn't even dream of. She came and came and came again! Finally George finished with about 4 gallons of creamy money shot and pearl necklace for Miss O. This time SHE passed out, and when she came to she could barely believe what she'd been through. She gathered her senses and looked over at George, who was enjoying his whiskey and cigar, sitting there with his famous grin, rolling the stogie around in his lips.
Oprah shook her head and said, 'George you've made a believer out of me! Everything you said was true! You went three times and each time was better than the last! You are a true American Stud! George just sat there smiling and said 'thanks'. Then Oprah said 'George I do have just one question though' and George said 'sure'. Oprah says 'I understand your need to rest for a bit after those so very physical sessions, but I don't understand why you needed me to cradle your dick in my hands while you slept?' George said 'Well it's really rather simple, you see...
The last Black Bitch I fucked stole my wallet...
