Product description: Small square pastries filled with ingredients similar to egg, cheese, and ham - I think. Microwaved in the handy included 'crisper' sleeve, this is supposed to be a tasty and filling frozen breakfast product.
Experiment: My experience with the Hot Pocket Breakfast Pastry was spurred by a growling stomach but no time to leave the office and procure a more healthful morning meal. I followed the directions and slid the finished product onto a paper plate and allowed it to cool. It took some extensive work with my engineer's scale to push the product from the crisper due to a Mucilage-type of excretion that stuck the product to the crisper.
Test Result: The Hot Pocket Breakfast pastry is an idea whose time has not come. The product lacks the technology required for success. My first bite yielded a dry, crunchy, flavorless mass of flaky dough and burnt dairy dreg. My second bite did not rate much better, as it felt to be a chewy rubbery mass of egg with flecks of meat product that produced a flavor not unlike what a cheesy Milk Bone must taste like.
Closing Statements: Do not purchase and/or consume this product. If you have any in your freezer, dispose of it in a plastic bag encased within a solid steel drum. Check with your local refuse disposal company to see if certain restrictions/manifesting applies.
Product description: Small square pastries filled with ingredients similar to egg, cheese, and ham - I think. Microwaved in the handy included 'crisper' sleeve, this is supposed to be a tasty and filling frozen breakfast product.
Experiment: My experience with the Hot Pocket Breakfast Pastry was spurred by a growling stomach but no time to leave the office and procure a more healthful morning meal. I followed the directions and slid the finished product onto a paper plate and allowed it to cool. It took some extensive work with my engineer's scale to push the product from the crisper due to a Mucilage-type of excretion that stuck the product to the crisper.
Test Result: The Hot Pocket Breakfast pastry is an idea whose time has not come. The product lacks the technology required for success. My first bite yielded a dry, crunchy, flavorless mass of flaky dough and burnt dairy dreg. My second bite did not rate much better, as it felt to be a chewy rubbery mass of egg with flecks of meat product that produced a flavor not unlike what a cheesy Milk Bone must taste like.
Closing Statements: Do not purchase and/or consume this product. If you have any in your freezer, dispose of it in a plastic bag encased within a solid steel drum. Check with your local refuse disposal company to see if certain restrictions/manifesting applies.
This highly malleable ovo-lacto-hammo snack product can (in a pinch when pinned down by neighborhood Haji fedayeen) be used as effective anti-personnel potato gun ordnance. Charge potato gun with cabbage farts and Scotch Guard. Muzzle-load the weapon with your molten rubbery hot pocket as well as some nuts, bolts, birdseed, meat thermometers and burnt out dildo motors ... you know, the usual common household debris found on your garage shelves and let it fly at the Haji wife's Honda technical that's grinding the street address off your curb with it's fifth pass at a parallel park job.
Truly a versatile, high-durability multi-use mil-spec food product. God bless General Mills, a subsidiary of Northrup/Grumman.
This highly malleable ovo-lacto-hammo snack product can (in a pinch when pinned down by neighborhood Haji fedayeen) be used as effective anti-personnel potato gun ordnance. Charge potato gun with cabbage farts and Scotch Guard. Muzzle-load the weapon with your molten rubbery hot pocket as well as some nuts, bolts, birdseed, meat thermometers and burnt out dildo motors ... you know, the usual common household debris found on your garage shelves and let it fly at the Haji wife's Honda technical that's grinding the street address off your curb with it's fifth pass at a parallel park job.
Truly a versatile, high-durability multi-use mil-spec food product. God bless General Mills, a subsidiary of Northrup/Grumman.
Somewhere in the DoD there's a 6" thick classified report on the field test of this weapon using live Gitmo 'volunteers'.
Well....ya know....it's actually a very good idea, considering the humanitarian angle. When that shit thaws.....there won't be a need for any food drops to help the displaced civilian population. Winning the hearts and minds!
Thing is, all the Hot Pockets products look sooooo gooood.
I've been suckered into trying them on several occasions. Nothing but a tasteless fireball in you mouth. I believe the box they come in would taste better.
