I'm going nuts with this crap. Mags I don't subscribe to, newspapers I never read, sales flyers I never buy from, mort companies that won't refi me, credit cards that won't credit me. At least one full bag each month of crap I have to pick up and throw out. Somebody MAKE IT STOP!!!
My advice is hire a cute little Philipino chick to handle the mail duties (and the male duties) in your house.
Problem solved!
And hush, you think you got problems?? I have an entire colony of crickets that moved under my desk overnight. If I have to leap outta my chair one more time from one of those ugly suckers jumping on my leg I'm going to go home. Not to mention the constant chirping....
My advice is hire a cute little Philipino chick to handle the mail duties (and the male duties) in your house.
Problem solved!
And hush, you think you got problems?? I have an entire colony of crickets that moved under my desk overnight. If I have to leap outta my chair one more time from one of those ugly suckers jumping on my leg I'm going to go home. Not to mention the constant chirping....
Wait a second here! First you have mosquitos biting your rear end, and now crickets are crawling up your leg.
Do you have some sort of wicked insect fetish we need to know about?
Wait a second here! First you have mosquitos biting your rear end, and now crickets crawling up your leg.
Do you have some sort of wicked insect fetish we need to know about?
I freaking hate bugs. This is like torture for me. You put me in a room with a scorpion, I'd make dance moves that would put Janet Jackson to shame trying to get out of there....
I freaking hate bugs. This is like torture for me. You put me in a room with a scorpion, I'd make dance moves that would put Janet Jackson to shame trying to get out of there....
Hey since this is a junk mail so lets keep this on topic.
Can you provide me with your address so I can sign up up for several bug magazines and have an ant farm sent to you? J/K
I keep saying I'm going to fill a box with a year's worth of junk mail and weigh it, but I never get around to it. I've wound up on a few mailing lists of car- and motorcycle-parts catalogs and some of these things are at least an inch thick, and they come out once every two months or so. It has to be several hundred points of junk each year, none of which gets even a cursory read -- straight off the truck, into my mailbox, and straight into the trash. It's one of the most obscenely wasteful things I have ever seen.
What's especially annoying to me, though, is getting the exact same junk advert sent to the house addressed to six or seven different names. Last week I got copies of a credit card thing addressed to each of the following names, all received on the same day: my name, my wife's, my ex-wife's, my wife's name from her first marriage, my father's name, and my father's ex-wife's name. There aren't many permutations left.
I haven't had the telemarketing problems for a while. When they call I ask them, "What was the name of your company?"
"Whatever Inc." Act like you're writing it down.
"Ok, take me off your list and don't call me anymore."
Seems to have worked. I think there is some law or something.
Most junk mail has envelopes with return postage paid. Swap the junk around and mail it back to the fuckers. Just as easy as tossing it.
It really just wastes YOUR time.
When I was a kid I worked at a company which sent out fairly carefully targeted junk mail. Not the Providian credit card bullshit with 120 million mailings per week, we were a small company, so we needed a super high percentage of hits to make it worthwhile -- but it was still junk mail.
We saw it all. People thought they were screwing us by sending envelopes full of washers or fishing weights (the myth is that we'd pay more in postage; not true), or sending envelopes with dog crap in it (on the rare occasions the post office actually delivered it, it just went in the trash), or of course, just sending back blank cards or other junk, thinking they'd annoy us.
It comes down to this: the people back at the company have jobs to do, too. When you're processing thousands of legit responses, the occasional odd non-response has effectively zero impact. Sorry. About the best you can hope for is to include something unusually funny, or maybe really good quality porn, and mess up the workflow by getting them to interrupt everybody else for a minute or two.
When I was a kid I worked at a company which sent out fairly carefully targeted junk mail. Not the Providian credit card bullshit with 120 million mailings per week, we were a small company, so we needed a super high percentage of hits to make it worthwhile -- but it was still junk mail.
We saw it all. People thought they were screwing us by sending envelopes full of washers or fishing weights (the myth is that we'd pay more in postage; not true), or sending envelopes with dog crap in it (on the rare occasions the post office actually delivered it, it just went in the trash), or of course, just sending back blank cards or other junk, thinking they'd annoy us.
It comes down to this: the people back at the company have jobs to do, too. When you're processing thousands of legit responses, the occasional odd non-response has effectively zero impact. Sorry. About the best you can hope for is to include something unusually funny, or maybe really good quality porn, and mess up the workflow by getting them to interrupt everybody else for a minute or two.
