Microsoft taps Iraqi Info Minister 'Baghdad Bob' to promote .NET Initiative
Posted by Big Brother on 2003/4/13 2:08:04 (544 reads)
Redmond, WA (NewsHax wire)
With the release of Windows Server 2003 only days away, Microsoft is sparing no expense in renewed promotion of it's upcoming and often vague initiatives. One such plan that has bewildered the public is the .NET initiative, an oft-changing and ill-defined plan to dominate the next generation of software, which prompted the hiring of the worlds hottest new pitchman, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, Iraqs former Information Minister- better known in the west as "Baghdad Bob."
"Absolutely a genius pick," says Walter Matthews, Madison Avenue
PR exec, "He is the perfect mouthpiece for a company with a well publicized vaporware product, a
PR agent of his caliber can successfully swing the debate away from the actual product and on to himself, giving MS developers valuable time to create a real product to fill the marketing departments vision in the creation of .NET and related software." (more...)
"Baghdad Bob" will become the main .Net evangelist at Microsoft. His full title is "general manager of platform strategy, Microsoft's developers and platform evangelism division", a job description which requires intense verbosity, a religious zeal and a sense of a massive quasi-military organization dedicated to spreading the Microsoft religion to the world. al-Sahhaf fit the job description perfectly by all accounts.
Bob wasted no time in getting to work.
When asked about rival Sun's new offerings, Baghdad Bob said,
"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all, our initial assessment is that Sun Microsystems will die, they will all die. God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of .NET."
Bob's thoughts on java were summed up neatly in,
"Java is not worth an old shoe. Reports of any java success is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies! Let the Sun infidels bask in their platform independant illusion."
When asked about Linux, Bob laughed and said,
"We're going to drag the drunken junkie nose of Linus Torvalds through Redmond's streets, him and his follower dog Michael Robertson of Lindows..."
Bob stiffened up and raised his voice,
"I can assure you that those linux villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which will never place!"
Bill Gates and Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer were said to immensely happy with the selection, and remarked how seamlessly he integrated into the MS corporate culture.
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