Both my wife's dad and my dad are declining in health. Both seem to be getting some level of dementia. Seems to be a step function as both have gotten worse in the last month or so.
I saw my dad on Sat and he had a big bump on his forehead and both eyes were blackened and swollen. Happened while my mom was at work. He doesn't have any memory over what he hit, thinks he may have bumped into a cabinet. Sunday he calls asking if I knew where my mom was? I called her at work and she was there....my dad had dropped her off at 9 that morning......and already forgotten. Someone told me that it's possible he's had a minor (if there is such a thing) stroke and lost consciousness and that may be how he hit is head and can't remember. I'm waiting for his doctor to return my call.
Yesterday when we saw my wife's dad, he didn't remember sitting through Sunday school (his wife teaches an adult class) only an hour before.
So...any of you that have been through this, how do you deal with the logistics. I need to push both my mom and mother in law into taking some action. How'd you do that without becoming the "dick" of the family.
Definitely talk to the doctor first.. perhaps he suffered a concussion? Has he been in to see a doctor yet? If not, that would be my priority #1.
Concerning your question about aging parents, my coworker has an aged father who basically has problems remembering anything past 15 minutes ago.. He had a nurse that would check in on him/ fix meals 3 times a day/ make him take his meds etc. I would certainly think if he needs supervision/checkups that would be the way to go over hospice care. Concerning bringing this topic up with your mom and mil, be tactfull and diplomatic about it, but firm on your convictions. I'm sure there are specialists that deal with this as well if other options fail.
Both have had some level of memory problems for awhile.
Both have stepped down recently and it's time to start making plans for care and helping their wives....they are a different generation both from the depression era and when men took care of things, not the women. To make it worse, one's an old Navy Chief and the other was in ProFootball. Men's men.
Find a certified Elder care attorney in your area and have a consultation. They can help you communicate with parents and inlaws what they need to do from a legal standpoint to protect themselves. If the dad's are old fashioned, you can play off of that - i.e. taking care of Mom should anything happen to you.
Then, find a geriatric case worker / management firm - ESPECIALLY if you are out of town. they can use all the resources that are availalbe thorugh Medicare and local social programs. they know who are the "good" geriatric specialists int he area and can arrange and coordinate any and all levels of home health care. they can also assist in the choosing of a retirement / nursing home if it would come to that.
But - don't think you can change anything overnight, or that you really have much say in anything. if you've not talked about this stuff before with your aging parents, it's not going to be any easier now - they will be distrustful. When their health starts to decline, understand that their lives are really a series of crises - strung together with varying times between them. And no matter how "prepared" you are or whatever you do - you are merely along for the ride. Realize that you can't "make" them be rational, or make the right decisions.
Do the best you can - but don't let guilt or worry eat you up.
I feel for you. My father has altzheimer and we are going through the same thing right now. Thank god my mothers memory is still ok but she is depressed due to my sister recently passing away and add my father to the mix driving her crazy. It FUCKING SUCKS that people have to go through this when they get old. Hang in there...
Hang in there! It is not easy. I have taken care of both my grandparents in old age and buried my whole family. Growing old sometimes seems like a great injustice.
I personally think we are designed to start reproducing at 15 and then die in battle before 35.
My grandmother (early 80's) has just been placed in a care facility. She was at the point were legally she had to have a care-giver 24-7. She has all her facilities, but is just unable to get around by herself. The state gets involved once they go to the hospital for a problem such as you've discussed.
you all have some great inputs and instill additional thoughts.
My mom is pretty dependent so it's going to be tough there. My MIL has a large set of friends and is pretty independent. Not that it'll be emotionally easier to deal with the next few years but she has more tools to take care of herself.
It's tough on me balancing their dignity with convincing them they have a problem. Combined with the fact tomorrow you have to do it again.
Y'know those assisted living facilities are not as bad as some folks think. Many of them are much like a bed and breakfast or a boarding house. It might not be time now but maybe in the future.
My dad is having memory & comprehension issues, along with all of the medical ailments that people in their mid-late 70's usually have. He's a guy who started 3 businesses & could fly planes. Now he can't understand how to run an electric can opener. The future doesn't look bright for all of us in our "Golden Years", that's all I can say.
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