[NOITALL]

Originally Posted by Schillinger

I'm glad you asked, Biggest. No, I'm not going to say, "well, you could keep her safe at my house." No, instead I'm going to provide that level of practical advise for which I'm well known.

Befriend a doctor (no, not a chiropractor, but a doctor) or a nurse (Viperess?). Have them buy, from a medical supply house, one set of severed male genitalia. Place said severed male genitalia in formaldehyde, in a clear jar. When suitors come over, invite the young man to see your "morbidities collection" and show him the well-preserved member. Explain to him that the same thing will happen if he kisses your daughter. THEN slap him on the back, and say "Just kidding!" But look like you aren't really kidding, but are merely pretending to kid. The word "kisses" underscores the relative punishment--this is what happens for kissing, with more serious repercussions for more. That will get him marginally nervous, if nothing else for the fact that YOU HAVE SEVERED BALLS IN A JAR OF FORMALDEHYDE.

Then, on date two, be cleaning your gun when he comes by to pick up your daughter. Do not mention the gun, just have it out. This, coupled (pun intended) with his first visit should be enough to deter all but the most hardened (pun intended) Romeos.

These you should actually kill.

I'd be scared shitless. I'm so glad my g/f doesn't have a dad like serious or biggsie.